The deeper we move into this wretched disease, the more tasks become mine and the less time I have to correspond. However, today I need to share my frustrations! My husband has now moved into the Moderate stage of Alzheimer’s, so he can do less and less. His short term memory is practically gone, but he still remembers friends and family, which is a blessing. The problem is really with me! I often resent the fact that I have to assume all the responsibilities for: the house, the yard, the animals, the driving, the laundry, the shopping, the cooking, managing the finances, and teaching two online graduate courses. Then there is the time spent making sure that I eat right, exercise, take my vitamins, get enough rest and take some respite time. There are not enough hours in the day! How can I do it all?
Today we studied Romans in our Life Group and I am reminded by Paul that, “We can rejoice…when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.” (Romans 5: 3-4, New Living Translation) Well, I am becoming quite a character…I mean my character is being shaped. 🙂 It is just a tough process. The Beyond Suffering Bible, created by Joni Eareckson Tada, suggests, “In our weakened state. we learn to stop relying on our own strength of mind or body and increasingly shift our reliance to the Creator. God’s strength becomes evident in our weakness” (Joni and Friends, 2016, p.1280).
That’s my answer, stop relying on my own strength! I need to turn to God for all my needs, from the smallest frustration to the largest difficulty. I know in my heart that God is big enough to handle all my problems, now I just have to convince my brain to stop trying to figure everything out. I need to give my situation to the Lord and leave it in His hands to make straight my path. Please pray for me as I run this marathon and I will pray for you.
Through His Grace,
Everyday upon waking up and with putting my feet on the floor, I try not to guess what the new normal will be for the day. Sometimes it’s scary because yesterday hasn’t totally disappeared and here a new day has dawned. Always in my heart of hearts I know that GOD does love me and is holding my hand through whatever this day brings. In a perfect world we wouldn’t have to be carrying the burdens we do, but carrying them we must, but only with GOD watching and JESUS holding me can I survive the new normal. And I will start anew tomorrow remembering not only does GOD love me but also my hubby.
Love and Prayers
Hello fellow caregivers,
We are like peas in a boiling pot that keeps being stirred. Never the same, the hardest part for me is that I still see my husband the way he was and he speaks and reply’s normal. But his actions are not always kind or normal. He is never happy with what i do. Sometimes I don’t even care that he feels that way. Other times I cry for the loss of my husband and the things we planned to do that will never happen. Other times i try to find something funny in what he does or does not do. For example this morning he was mad that I refused to get up at 3:30am and fix his breakfast. And instead gave him a banana and oj. And went back to bed and then when I finally went back to sleep.
Got up at 8am instead of 6am and he also got up as soon as i turned on the kitchen light and went back to complaining that he asked for breakfast and i gave him a banana and oj. I laughed and said you are lucky I gave you that, and then fixed his breakfast. And I laughed at his eagerness to eat the breakfast and he started to smile again. He was happy and fed. And so my days go like that it is not perfect but for now it is the best I have.
I am storing nuggets in heaven for my reward. There are many nuggets if you look for them. And that is how i deal with this tragic situation.
I get my breaks when he goes to sleep and then I go shopping or seeing my sister at the nursing home, or do what I can in the time available to me.
I have a security camera and when I am away, I check on him that way. Without this camera i would be constantly nervous. And cutting my time. This way i can stay till i see him moving around and that is when i start for home.
Peace my friends we all have a journey and for some reason God thinks I can handle it. I wonder sometimes if he has be mixed up with someone else.
I so identify with what you are experiencing. I know that I should try to keep her awake, getting her to xeriscape her mind and body. But she is so resistant that it is much easier to let her sleep. My loved one who is also in Moderate Stage of combination Alz. and vascular dementia; When I am pitying myself, I try to think about what she is missing. I almost cry when I think back to what a wonderful mind she had, Magna Cum Laude, etc. and now has to ask where is the bathroom in our home, etc.
I realized some time ago that God is always with me and the best one to share my sorrow with! I can’t tell our children, sibs, or friends ho I really feel.
Correction: I ment to write Exercise, no xeriscape,,sorry.